


For You: Anything & Everything

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Jalec Secret Santa 2020, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, Parabatai Feels, Pining, Protective Alec Lightwood, Romantic Fluff, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, Supportive Jace Wayland, Sweet, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Jace Wayland, Virgin Alec Lightwood, parabatai love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:54:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27827875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Alec fell in love with Jace as soon as he saw him. Unknown, hidden, Alec has been doing for years what Alec does best; making Jace’s life easier in any way he can. Finally, when Alec has shown his devotion and his love in everything but words, Jace realize that the one person who loves him more than anyone, who has always loved him, is Alec.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 14
Kudos: 332
Collections: Jalec, Jalec Secret Santa 2020, Malace 101





	For You: Anything & Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sivan325](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sivan325/gifts).



> Thanks so much to my amazing beta readers as always: Cindy and Monochromatize.  
> Thanks so much to Ragina Danica for the great story banner.  
> Story warnings: Oral sex, anal sex, referenced child abuse, reference abuse, referenced self-harm, referenced self-estemn issues.  
> 

_Please read the chapter notes for detailed warnings_

# For You: Anything & Everything

Alec had loved Jace when he had first seen him. Though he had been nine (almost ten as he had very adamantly insisted) and Alec had been twelve at the time, Jace had been older in many ways. Jace had been more confident, he had a natural charm and a way with people Alec just didn’t have. Jace captured a room with his amazing skills, good looks, and easy charisma and none were more captivated than Alec.

However, from the very first night Alec had seen a vulnerability to Jace under his cockiness and charm; a loneliness that Jace didn’t let anyone else see. So, when Alec had heard Jace awaken from a nightmare the first night, Alec had asked if Jace wanted him to stay with him. The younger boy was embarrassed and furiously refused, insisting he wasn’t weak. However, Alec had insisted he wanted to stay in the younger boy’s room for his own sake, because he needed it. So Jace had allowed it.

That first night had set a precedence for their relationship. Alec would protect and shield Jace, always, but he would never even indicate it was what he was doing. He would always insist it was to make himself feel better or for practical reasons or some other lie. Alec had quickly seen that Jace couldn’t allow himself to appear ‘weak’; appear like he needed help, comfort, love, and protection. And so, Alec gave Jace everything he needed but couldn’t ask for without Jace ever voicing it, without Jace needing to ask.

From day one Jace had become Maryse and Robert’s favorite ‘child’; the son they had always wanted. Jace was not only the best at everything but he was handsome, charming, outgoing, bold, and daring. Where Alec was unsure and stayed by the walls like a shadow Jace stepped boldly into the light and shined like the sun.

Alec never once felt envious or upset that Jace got all the praise and love from his parents that he never got. Alec felt certain Jace deserved it whereas he didn’t. Alec just took it as a sign to do better, work harder. However, so far, all his hard work hadn’t given him the affection he wanted. He was there for Max, Izzy and Jace and that brought him the happiness and peace his relationship with his parents didn’t.

Despite never getting any praise from his parents Alec still kept trying to please them. He practiced harder than anything, till his hands bled and his body was shaking from exhaustion. He practiced for hours on end, running only on his runes. No matter what he did though he was never good enough. Despite the hurt and the pain Alec would always pick himself up and try again; try to be better, to do better.

One thing Alec had learned early on was the painful consequences of disobedience and failure that was a constant in Idris. From Jace’s nightmares Alec knew at some point in his young days Jace had felt the same. However, as Jace had gotten older his father no longer punished him physically as he had kept fulfilling his expectations. Instead, he had just made the blond boy work harder, more, longer. Pilling up ever increasing expectations with the hidden threat of punishment if he failed. And this Jace had kept practicing and practicing, becoming the best at everything he did. Then when he arrived at the Lightwoods, he by far exceeded expectations, even for a family with as high expectations for their children as Maryse and Robert had.

Yet the desire to test boundaries, to see if there was a line and what would happen if he crossed it, was something that seemed natural for Jace. Alec was relieved his parents and their instructors in general were quite lenient when it came to Jace, forgiving him and excusing most misadventures as he never failed in his training or any other expectations placed upon him. Alec got his hands full when Izzy got older and showed similar traits of disobeying and testing boundaries. Luckily, Robert adored his little princess and would likely forgive her murdering someone right in front of his eyes. Maryse, though, felt Izzy should focus more on her training and spend less time fooling around. This of course meant Izzy did precisely what Maryse didn’t want her to do. Thankfully, while Maryse and Robert had no love lost between them, maybe they never had, then Maryse didn’t dare go against her husband and punish Izzy for breaking curfew or going to Downworlder clubs as she started to do when she got older, normally bringing Jace along.

However, one thing both Robert and Maryse could agree on was their disappointment with their oldest child. Alec, who should have been their pride and joy and yet who just didn’t live up to expectations. Never quite did to be honest.

Protecting Jace wouldn’t have been as hard as it turned out to be for Alec if Jace weren’t so reckless and weren’t quite so cocky as he grew to be. Add to that a close to superhuman attraction on the female sex and Alec felt like his fulltime day job was getting Jace out of sticky situations without Jace knowing he was being saved. It was normally stuff like insulting visitors who were on diplomatic missions, hitting on a girl who already had a quite big partner who Alec would then have to subdue in some way so said guy wouldn’t go after Jace and of course….the constant sneaking out! Another favorite thing of Izzy’s that she had discovered she liked too as she had gotten older.

When Jace had asked Alec to be his parabatai Alec had both been overjoyed and deeply saddened. Overjoyed as it was a huge honor and a sign of love to offer that; to share a soul. It was a life-changing decision and would bind them together forever. But also deeply saddened as parabatais were forbidden from becoming lovers; rumor had it parabatai lovers got cursed and died. No one knew if it was true. As parabatai pairs were mostly same-sex couples and same-sex relations were outlawed in Idris parabatai relationships were unheard of in recorded history. However, obedience was a way of life in Idris and thus no one even dared to challenge the rumor, to challenge the likelihood of something as odd as a parabatai curse when there was no curse for genocide, murder, or anything else for that matter.

However, being parabatai didn’t lessen Alec’s love for Jace. It just meant he had to be more careful with how he expressed it. Jace knew he loved him. Alec had said it in words and deeds often enough, but he didn’t know he loved him in that all-consuming way he did, and Alec was determined he’d never know. It was not only that they were parabatai and both male. But Alec felt certain he wasn’t worthy. Jace was the sun, the golden warrior. Perfection. He was the broken child, the one who always failed. Who always struggled. Who had been fighting a stutter for years, who had chosen the bow as his weapon; a long distance weapon which was considered weak by most Nephilims. No, Alec knew he wasn’t worthy of someone like Jace. So, he did what he did best; he protected his golden love physically and emotionally, in any and all ways he could.

So here they were, supposed to be reading in the large library in the New York Institute while Max was with Robert and Maryse in Alicante. Alec was close to 18 and Jace was 17 and Izzy was 16 and all Jace and Izzy wanted was to go party; dazzle some Mundanes or seduce some Downworlders at the hottest Downworlder club in New York.

Jace yawned and eyed the clock on the wall; it was almost ten pm.

“So…what would happen if we snuck out today?” Jace asked with a wink, looking over at Izzy and Alec.

Like Jace Izzy was reading on the carpet by the fireplace on the floor whereas Alec was sitting in a chair.

Alec put his book on the table next to him and gave Jace a worried look at the same time that Izzy looked excited and eager, smiling widely.

“We shouldn’t,” Alec warned.

“Oh. Come on!” Jace insisted, flashing him one of those trademark smiles that always melted Alec’s insides.

“It’s not a good idea,” Alec insisted firmly, looking fearfully around to be sure no one else were nearby.

Sneaking out was breaking the rules and doing so meant punishment. Alec had been very clear with his parents when they had caught Izzy or Jace sneaking out in the past that he was to blame and thus only he was punished. However, Alec worried every time that maybe they would change their minds and punish Jace and Izzy too.

“Izzy will come,” Jace insisted. He turned to give Izzy a charming grin as he added, “Right?”

Izzy nodded as she rose, “Sure.”

Jace got to his feet with a warrior’s fluent elegance that almost stole Alec’s breath.

“So come on, Alec,” Jace encouraged, reaching out a hand towards him, smiling warmly.

Alec hesitated, biting his lower lip nervously. A part of him wanting nothing more to put his hand in Jace’s even though doing so was pure torture. It was the only kind of touches he could get outside their sparring sessions and so he cherished it.

“You really want to go?” Alec asked, giving Jace a searching look.

Jace nodded, “Yes.”

Hopefully, no one would notice them leaving; not if Alec stayed behind and diverted attention if someone did come looking for them. And if they were missed Alec could say he had sent them on an errand.

Alec nodded and forced a smile.

“Go ahead. It’s fine,” Alec insisted, doing a handwave at Jace and Izzy.

“You don’t want to come?” Jace asked, sounding disappointed.

“No. It’s fine. I have a book I want to read,” Alec insisted, picking up the book he had just put down.

Something fell across Jace’s face and he shrugged, his expression closed.

“Ok, suit yourself.”

“Alec, brother, come on,” Izzy whined, pouting at him.

“Go ahead, Izzy. Have fun,” Alec encouraged with a smile.

She gave him a searching look, but he must have looked convincing for she smiled at him.

“Ok. Enjoy the book,” Izzy said as she came over and gave him a warm hug.

“You really should learn to relax sometimes, Alec,” Jace scowled at him at the door.

Alec did the eyeroll he knew Jace and Izzy expected of him.

“Have fun, guys,” Alec said to them, doing a dismissive nod of his head.

Izzy waved at him and Jace nodded before they left the room, eager for their night out.

Alec watched the door long after they had left. Then he picked up his book, staying alert, starting his vigil. He would ensure Jace and his sister had this one night off, had some fun. They deserved it.

This night as all others where Alec kept watch over Jace and his siblings he never once considered maybe he had deserved some time off too. He never once considered he might be worth the same sacrifice he was offering so freely.

Sometimes when Alec covered for Izzy and Jace’s shenanigans it was easy, and no one found out. Other times Alec had to face the music which in Nephilim terms were often a verbal or physical lashing. However, the worst pain Alec always inflicted upon himself, as punishment for failing. No pain was greater than the pain he inflicted upon himself if he felt he had let Jace down, his parabatai and the boy he had loved for years.

Alec tried to hide both his punishments and his self-harm. The punishments were normally easy to hide. His parents wanted him ready to continue his training as soon as possible so he was allowed to use iratzes after and if the lashing had been too brutal for him to stay conscious or he was in too much pain to apply iratzes himself his parents or instructors or whoever they had gotten to do the punishment would do it for him. So that part was easy enough. However, whenever Alec felt he’d failed his parents, instructors, Jace, his siblings…he would hurt himself. The pain on the outside made it easier for him to deal with the pain on the inside.

Normally Alec could close the parabatai bond when he hurt himself to avoid Jace knowing and he would make sure to either injure himself in training in such a way the wounds were acceptable injuries or did the cuts and bruises in places hidden by his clothes. It often meant no one was the wiser, not even Jace. Most of the time.

********************************************

Jace and he were sparring when Jace had him pinned under him, his arm twisted behind his back. Alec groaned in pain and was about to tap out when Jace moved his knee and touched the wounds on Alec’s inner thigh, where he had cut himself the night before in punishment for Jace having gotten injured on a mission. Never mind it had been a flesh wound and Alec had taken quite a deep cut to his shoulder than only an iratze applied by Jace had healed just as he had quickly given Jace an iratze, knowing as parabatai their iratzes were stronger. However, the guilt afterwards, despite Jace’s assurances he was fine, had been tearing at Alec until it had needed a physical outlet.

“Alec!” Jace got out, shocked, as he saw the red color, blood, soaking through Alec’s grey sweatpants.

“What the fuck, Alec?” Jace asked confused and worried as he quickly rolled off Alec.

Alec quickly pulled his legs under himself. Jace walked over and reached out a hand for him, helping Alec up.

“It’s ok. I’m fine. It’s fine,” Alec quickly assured him, flashing him a reassuring smile.

“You sure?” Jace asked doubtfully.

“Yes. Yes, it’s fine,” Alec quickly calmed him. “Just went at it a bit too hard, training, the other day. I will just go wash up.”

Alec could all but feel Jace’s eyes bore into his back as he almost ran from the training room and back to his own room to shower and change.

********************************************

Alec’s world changed when Clary showed up in their lives. He didn’t get what Jace saw in her. Why he was willing to risk everything for her. She might have angel-blood, but she was untrained and a clear liability in every way. Despite Alec’s warnings Jace kept breaking rules and going against orders, encouraging his equally reckless sister to go along. And so, Alec was left to try and pick up the pieces, trying to cover for them. But he knew it was just a matter of time before they were discovered, and a price had to be paid. When his mother had shown up Alec had known it was time to pay that price. Maryse had ordered Alec to join her at the office of the Head of the Institute. She was leaning against the desk, her arms crossed over her chest and a displeased look on her face when Alec entered the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Alexander,” Maryse greeted coldly.

Alec came to stand at parade rest before her, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Mother,” Alec said as calmly as he could, fighting down his worry and fear for what he knew was to come.

Even as they were speaking Jace had snuck out again with Clary on another wild goose chase, ignoring Alec’s advice and warnings. Again. Alec really hoped Maryse hadn’t found that out just yet as she would surely see that as the fuck you to all rules and procedures, they had been taught to follow.

“What is it I am hearing? Sneaking out to carry out unsanctioned missions and bringing in unknown girls who have grown up in the Mundane world?” Maryse asked darkly.

Alec sank; she knew. Of course, she knew. He stood up straighter. He was a Lightwood; break noses and face the consequences.

“I felt…” Alec started to explain.

Maryse’s eyes were ablaze with fury as she asked harshly, “So, you knew?”

Well, he knew. Jace had told him some of it and some he had just done. It didn’t change the fact that it had happened nor that Alec would rather die than let Jace face the music for it. He still had hope he could talk Jace out of this weird and hurtful fascination he had developed with Clary. Jace had had more girlfriends than Alec could count but the important thing about all of them was that they had left again. He really needed Jace to just fuck this redhead and then leave her; get it over with so his heart could survive.

“I am responsible for the team, for my siblings,” Alec said strongly, looking her straight in the eye as he spoke.

“You should know better!” Maryse thundered.

“Yes, mother,” Alec said, his cheeks starting to heat in embarrassment.

“Actions like that shame our name. Shame us. Have you no consideration for that?” Maryse challenged.

“I…I will do better,” Alec offered helplessly, unsure what else to say.

Maryse’s eyes narrowed and she waved a warning finger in front of his face as she cautioned, “You really must do better if you are to lead this Institute.”

Alec nodded, fighting to speak, blushing even more when he felt his old stutter fight to return in light of his fear and worry, “Yes, mother.”

Maryse gave him a cold look, measuring him up and down as she asked, “So, you will take punishment for this?”

Alec licked dry lips, fighting down his nervousness as he nodded, his voice hoarse, “Yes.”

“Very well, then,” Maryse said and for the first time there was a hint of satisfaction in her voice as she said it.

Alec held on to that, that small flicker of satisfaction with him and his actions as she walked behind the desk and went over to the bookshelves. On the lowest shelf was a small thin stick, used for pointing at maps…or more often than not punishments.

“Take off your shirt and go face the wall,” Maryse ordered as she came back towards him.

Alec obeyed wordlessly, knowing the routine by heart, closing the parabatai bond as he always did when this happened so not to alert Jace. He took off his shirt and folded it neatly on a nearby chair, having been punished for being messy once as a child so he never made that mistake ever again.

Alec then went to the wall, put his palms on it and spread his legs a bit apart for better leverage. When the first hit fell Alec bit his lower lip to prevent himself from making a sound. The lashing hurt like hell, but it could be so much worse and if Maryse knew just how much had been going on here, how many rules they had broken, she would have chosen a much worse punishment.

********************************************

Maryse healed the cuts that were bleeding afterwards so no one could see Alec’s shame as she phased it, which he was grateful for. She ordered the welts that had only left marks and bruises to heal the Mundane way so Alec would feel the pain and discomfort and remember not to disobey ever again. Alec had had to fight tears as he had left the office not only because of the pain but due to the humiliation and the disappointment of failing…always falling short of expectations.

Alec had hoped he could sneak into his room without meeting anyone but of course he wasn’t so lucky.

“Alec!” Jace yelled, catching up with him in the hallway.

“Yeah?” Alec asked tensely, walking faster, needing to get to the safety of his room and needing it now.

“Clary just showed me…” Jace started to explain.

“Not now!” Alec bit back, in too much internal turmoil to be listening to more about that infernal girl!

“Alec! Don’t be like that,” Jace protested, giving him a hurt look.

Alec tried to walk faster to get away from him but Jace caught his right wrist in a strong and bruising grip.

“Let go of me,” Alec demanded.

Jace shook his head, annoyed, as he pulled him back towards him, using a hand around his back to keep Alec from moving away. Alec flinched as Jace touched the bruises on his back, hidden by his shirt. Jace released him at once and gave him a worried look.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Jace asked, giving him a concerned look as he looked him over.

“I’m fine,” Alec insisted, fighting to control both his emotional pain and the physical discomfort left by the lashing.

Jace looked at him through narrowed eyes and Alec could feel he was probing the bond, only to find Alec had shut him out.

“Something isn’t right,” Jace insisted, looking very worried now.

“I’m fine. Go hang out with the Mundane girl,” Alec all but yelled, his voice lashed with pain and hurt.

“Alec!” Jace protested, his voice sharp and filled with hurt as he made a grab for Alec’s wrist once again.

“Leave me alone!” Alec insisted hotly, pulling his hand back.

Jace let him go and Alec ran away, Jace watching him thoughtfully.

When Alec reached the safety of his room, he closed the door and locked it with runes. He sank down on the floor, leaning against the door, breathing heavily. His heart was breaking as he imagined Clary in Jace’s arms. The mental image brought him agony unlike any he had ever known, making tears ran down his cheeks.

********************************************

Alec felt bad about fighting with Jace and even worse that he had been entertaining the idea to marry a woman he barely knew. He was all for sacrificing for family, but it wasn’t fair to her. He knew he loved Jace and always would. He was flattered by Magnus’ attention, very much so, but it wasn’t fair to not come clean with him either. So now that Clary and Jace were safely back at the Institute and Izzy was safe and so was her Seelie lover and friend, it was time to do this right. They had Clary’s mother here now. It was time to do this by the book.

So, Alec had done what he should have done from the beginning. He had explained to Lydia why he couldn’t marry her; that he was gay. She had been very understanding and had insisted they would find a way to save his family name together. Alec had then gone to thank Magnus for all his help and ask if he would come look at Clary’s mother. Magnus had been so moved by Alec’s honesty and offer to pay for his services in any way he could, and above all his offer to help Magnus gain equality in the Shadow World for all Downworlders, that he had revealed that he had known the Lightwoods for generations. Magnus also revealed that the rumor that Jace was Valentine’s son was untrue. Magnus had known the Morgenstern’s and Jace didn’t look like them at all. When Magnus had explained Jace reminded him of the Herondales he had known in the past and that all males of that family had a birthmark formed like a star Alec had realized who Jace really was. Jace had a star birthmark; Alec knew for he had seen it when they had sparred together. And soon enough; Imogen Herondale had come to see Jace and with Clary and Simon’s help the concept of blood tests was introduced which quickly proved that Jace was Imogen’s grandchild and Jace and Clary weren’t related. In hindsight Alec was surprised they hadn’t done the blood tests earlier.

So, with Jace connecting with his grandmother Alec had helped Magnus get what he had needed to wake Clary’s mother. Magnus and he had sworn to stay friends and fight for a better Shadow World, together. Izzy had been fascinated by the Warlock and they had hit it off right away. With a smile and a nod Alec had encouraged Magnus to take his sister out on the town, warmed by the prospect of seeing both Magnus and Izzy happy.

When Alec had returned to his room, he had been incredibly surprised to find an elegant new bow on his bed, made from the finest wood and with golden letters engraved on it. The letters turned out to be runes; strength, parabatai, stamina, healing, and deflection. It was so beautiful Alec was almost afraid to touch it.

The next day after breakfast Alec had gone straight to the one person he was sure had left him such an amazing gift. He found her in the kitchen, preparing a cup of coffee.

“Alec, good morning,” Izzy greeted with a fond smile, hugging him close. “Thank you for introducing me to Magnus. He is so…magical,” she added dreamingly.

“I am happy you two had a good time. You both deserve real happiness,” Alec said with a warm smile.

Thinking of happiness made Alec remember that he had found Simon and Clary kissing in one of the hallways yesterday. Despite his distaste for the little girl, he was happy the bumbling new vampire had finally found happiness with the girl he had loved since forever. Despite his pretended distaste for Simon, he had secretly bonded with him over the fact they were both clearly in love with their childhood friends; Simon with Clary and he with Jace. At least one of them were getting a happily ever after.

“So do you,” Izzy insisted, worried.

Alec brushed it off, knowing that would never happen for he could never have Jace.

“Izzy, you didn’t have to do that,” Alec said instead, giving her a fond smile.

“Do what?” Izzy asked puzzled.

“Leave me a gift. I am your big brother. Of course, I would help you with the trial,” Alec insisted, bewildered as to why she was playing pretend.

“Alec, I don’t know what you are talking about,” Izzy admitted, frowning.

“Oh,” Alec got out, confused. “Then who…” He stopped, unsure what to say.

If it wasn’t Izzy he was out of options. He decided the gift hadn’t been for him; someone had mistaken the rooms in the hallway. They all looked alike.

Alec blushed embarrassed as he quickly said, “Never mind.”

“You ok?” Izzy asked, worried.

Alec nodded, still blushing as he quickly assured her, “Yes. Yes. I’m fine.”

Izzy was left to look confused after Alec as he all but ran from the room.

********************************************

Late that evening Alec was sitting on his bed, looking at the beautiful bow, caressing it like a lover, unsure who in the world had left it if not Izzy. Certainly not his parents; they would never do that, and Max was too young. Then who? It had to have been for someone else, but he had gone through everyone staying at the Institute and he was the only archer.

Suddenly the door to his room opened and Alec stood up and put the bow on his desk.

“Can I come in?” Jace asked with a fond but slightly nervous smile.

“Yes, of course. Come in,” Alec quickly agreed, smiling back, unsure why Jace would possibly be nervous. Jace was never nervous.

Jace came in, closing and locking the door behind him with a locking rune, even applying a silencing rune, making Alec look puzzled at him. He thought maybe Jace wanted to tell him something personal.

Jace put the steele back in his pocket and came further into the room, looking around as if seeing Alec’s room for the first time for in a way he was. The room had a bed, closet, wardrobe, bookshelf, desk and chair and a door leading to the bathroom. There were paintings of landscapes on the walls and the room was done in dark and masculine colors. However, there was a feeling of something in the room…something like a safe place, a haven. Likely because this is what it had been for Alec. A retreat from the disappointing eyes of his parents or the hurtful words from others at him being an archer, being ‘boring’ when he didn’t party like the others, and later for being gay after he had called off the wedding to Lydia.

“I never noticed how cozy you have managed to make your room before now,” Jace admitted, giving Alec a warm look. He looked around the room, stopping right before Alec as he added with a fond look, “How at ease I feel here. Though I have a feeling it is more due to you than the room.”

His closeness was forcing Alec to control his raising desire. However, Jace’s words made him worried; why would Jace need somewhere cozy? Was he hurt? Worried? Afraid? Alec’s protective nature flared.

“You ok? Did you have a nightmare?” Alec asked worried, giving Jace’s nearest arm a comforting squeeze.

He released him as he sat on the end of the bed, patting the bed next to him as he quickly added, “You can stay here. It would make me feel better if you did.”

Jace gave Alec a fond look as he sat next to him on the bed as he replied, “I know. You always take such good care of me, don’t you?”

Alec blushed shyly and looked down for a moment, moved by the kind words. Jace normally never spoke like that to him. He soaked it up eagerly, filing the words away in his mind to be replayed over and over in his head whenever he was sad and lonely.

“I try. You do make it difficult at times,” Alec said with a small smile.

“I do, don’t I?” Jace admitted with a wry smile.

Alec grinned as he nodded, “Yeah.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. Jace leaned back on the bed, looking extremely comfortable. Alec laid down next to him, propping himself up on an elbow so he could look at him, hoping his admiration, love and desire for the blond warrior wasn’t written all over his face.

“Alec, do you love me?” Jace suddenly asked, turning his head to give Alec an intense look.

“What?” Alec asked shocked, his heart beating a mile a minute, his mouth dry. He quickly pulled himself together; of course, he didn’t mean it like that.

“Yes, of course. We have covered that a lot,” Alec reminded him, smiling a bit.

Jace kept looking intensely at him, as if searching for something in his face, in his eyes.

“Did you like the bow?” Jace asked softly, sounding eager and nervous.

Alec nodded at once, “Yes.”

Alec was unsure why Jace asked. Could it…was it….? No, it couldn’t have been from Jace of all people. Jace had gifted him one thing in his life and it was the best gift ever; he had gifted him part of his soul when they had become parabatai. Surely, he wouldn’t have…

Alec tried to control the growing hope and affection as he asked hesitantly, hopefully, “Did you…was it…?”

Jace smiled widely as he nodded and confirmed, “It was from me.”

Alec couldn’t stop smiling, awed, and moved beyond words.

“I…I never guessed,” Alec admitted emotionally. He touched Jace’s nearest arm a bit hesitantly as he said heartfelt, “Thank you.”

“I haven’t been very good at appreciating you, have I?” Jace asked softly, giving him a pained look.

“Why do you say that?” Alec asked confused.

“You would not have been so surprised or clueless about the gift if I had,” Jace said honestly, insightfully, waving a hand towards the bow lying on the desk.

Alec briefly looked at the bow and then back at Jace.

“You have been perfect,” Alec insisted stubbornly.

“No, I haven’t,” Jace said sadly, shaking his head. He gave Alec a determined look as he said strongly, “However, from now on I swear I will show you every day how special you are, how treasured.”

“That’s…” Alec started to say, his voice dying out, unsure what else to say, overwhelmed by the care in Jace’s eyes. He looked down for a moment before he looked at Jace again and said seriously, “I swear to do the same.”

“You already do,” Jace insisted warmly, making Alec blush and smile happily. Jace paused as he asked a bit shyly, “Do you love _love_ me?”

“Where is this coming from?” Alec asked puzzled.

Jace ignored the question and instead asked one of his own, “Have you been protecting me?”

Alec’s cheeks colored and he looked down for a moment before he replied modestly, “I have just helped whenever I could. That’s all.”

“For years, since I came here to live with your family you have been protecting me?” Jace asked softly, something between sadness and awe in his voice.

“You are not an easy person to protect; you are reckless,” Alec reminded him with a hint of reprove in his voice.

“Have you been taking punishments for me?” Jace asked directly, sadly, agonized, giving him an intense look.

“Jace, I don’t know who told you that,” Alec said evasively, avoiding his eyes.

“Don’t lie to me,” Jace warned but his tone held only love and concern as he covered Alec’s nearest hand with one of his own.

“It’s nothing,” Alec insisted, his voice catching a bit at Jace’s touch.

Jace sank as he concluded in a pained tone, removing his hand from Alec’s, “So, you have.”

Alec took a deep breath before he said softly, honestly, “You deserved to be carefree, to be yourself.”

“And you didn’t?” Jace challenged.

Alec shrugged a bit as if that were unimportant because to him it was.

“After what you suffered through…and now that we know Wayland was really Valentine …” Alec said sympathetically.

“What precisely do you think I suffered that you didn’t?” Jace asked him directly, cutting him off, tired of the vailed hints and assumptions.

Alec squirmed a bit uncomfortably.

“Well, the harsh training and punishments for failing…” Alec started to stutter out, blushing, putting a comforting hand on Jace’s arm.

“Precisely like you,” Jace reminded him, covering his hand with his own. “There’s a reason Maryse was Valentine’s number two and it wasn’t because she was warm and forgiving; we both know that.”

“Well, true but you…” Alec insisted stubbornly.

Jace shook his head but couldn’t help but smile a bit at Alec’s stubbornness.

“Why would my pain matter more than yours? I came here when I was 9 and your parents worshipped me since then. Hell, everyone did, you included,” Jace reminded him honestly.

Alec blushed, unaware Jace had noticed his worshipping of him but then he probably hadn’t been as subtle or sneaky about it as he had thought.

“Well, you are the greatest warrior of our generation and…” Alec stuttered out in a low voice, looking away.

Jace took a gentle hand to Alec’s chin and turned him back to face him.

“Alec, you matter,” Jace said softly but firmly.

Alec was taken back by the affection so clearly painted on Jace’s face. He blushed and would have pulled away if Jace had let him, but he held on to his chin.

“Thank you but…” Alec mumbled, blushing furiously.

“You matter,” Jace repeated, strongly but with a tenderness that stole Alec’s breath.

“Why are you saying that?” Alec asked, confused but hopeful, his heart hanging on Jace’s next words as if his life depended on them. In a way it did.  
“Because you do, and I don’t think I ever told you. Not the way I should, not the way you deserve,” Jace told him honestly, strongly, a hint of regret in his eyes.

Alec blushed, his heart swelling with joy. Seeing a hint of pain in Jace’s eyes he quickly assured him, “It’s fine.”

“You have sacrificed for me for years, suffered for me for years,” Jace accused agonized, sighing.

Alec quickly shook his head as he insisted firmly, “It was never a sacrifice at all! You are worth anything and everything.”

Jace looked tenderly at him as he replied softly, “So are you.”

Alec smiled at that but then shrugged it off, thinking it was just something he said.

“No, I…”

Jace put a finger to Alec’s lips, silencing him at once.

“Shall I show you?” Jace asked in a husky voice that stole Alec’s breath.

Alec was unsure what he meant by that but there was a fire burning in Jace’s eyes that made him really want to know.

“Please,” Alec got out, licking suddenly dry lips, unsure what he was asking for but needing to know more than anything else in this world.

Jace cupped Alec’s face, a hand on each cheek, looking intensely at him.

“Alec, I love you. I think I always have. I just didn’t realize it before now,” Jace told him emotionally, looking misty-eyed.

Alec felt his world explode and his heart started to beat wildly in his chest. Did Jace…had he just…wow! He did….really? For him? With him?! Did he mean it? Truly?

“I loved you from the moment I saw you,” Alec admitted, overwhelmed.

“I know. I think I always knew that,” Jace replied honestly in a voice thick with emotions and passion.

Before Alec had time to think about the marvel that was happening before him Jace had pulled his face closer to his until their lips met. Kissing Jace was explosive, like touching sunlight. Alec had to close his eyes, a soft moan escaping as Jace’s tongue explored his mouth and all Alec could do, all he wanted to do, was give in and submit to the welcome intrusion.

The kiss lasted seconds or forever, it was hard to tell but when Jace pulled back and released him, Alec slowly opened his eyes, having to blink a few times, his brain mush, completely breathless. Jace was looking at him with such love in his eyes Alec almost died on the spot from joy.

“Wow. That was…” Alec got out, a dreamy look on his face and a silly smile on his lips.

“The most amazing kiss ever?” Jace asked arrogantly, winking at him.

“My first kiss ever,” Alec admitted honestly, blushing as he said it but wanting to be honest with Jace from now on, always, in all things.

“Really?” Jace asked, surprised but pleased, smiling warmly.

Alec blushed a bit and gave him a shy smile as he admitted, “Yeah.”

Jace reached out and stroked his cheek tenderly as he said heartfelt, “I am lucky then.”

“You are?” Alec asked, surprised but hopeful he truly meant it.

Jace nodded as he confirmed in a strong tone, “I am.”

“So am I,” Alec said breathlessly, giving Jace a look filled with love and adoration.

Jace smiled affectionately at him as he put a gentle hand on Alec’s shoulder, pushing him to lie flat on his back on the bed. Alec licked dry lips as he felt himself start to grow hard as Jace leaned over him, his leg brushing against Alec’s erection, making a needy moan escape his lips.

“Lie down and let me worship you,” Jace whispered seductively, his breath hot against Alec’s cheek.

“Jace,” Alec moaned helplessly as Jace started to kiss, lick and suck at his deflect rune, leaving hickeys on the way.

Alec felt his arousal spike at the thought that he would wear proof of Jace’s passion for him, feeling proud he was the object of such affection and desire.

Jace opened the buttons of Alec’s shirt so he could continue leaving a trail of kisses down Alec’s torso, making Alec squirm and have to fist the sheets, moaning loudly in pleasure.

“Just relax. I’ve got you,” Jace promised as he moved so he was sitting between Alec’s legs.

Jace’s hands reached for the fly on Alec’s pants, giving him a questioning look.

Alec blushed as he nodded eagerly.

“You sure? We can wait,” Jace asked, searching his face to certain.

“I’m sure,” Alec got out, nodding eagerly. “I have waited for you for years.”

“I will make it so good for you,” Jace swore with a sexy smile as he unbuttoned Alec’s jeans.

Jace moved off the bed, pulling at Alec’s jeans as he did so. Alec lifted his butt so Jace could pull them down. He kicked off his shoes and Jace quickly pulled them all the way off. While Jace quickly undressed Alec got out of his shirt, throwing it to the floor. He hesitated a bit but then resolutely pulled down his underwear and threw it on the floor too. Alec felt weirdly exposed and cold as he laid back on the bed, naked, but only for a moment, then Jace was back between his legs, touching his thighs tenderly. He covered Alec’s whole body with his own and Alec got a glimpse of him, all of him. He gasped at the flawless perfection of the blond warrior and then moaned when their naked and hard cocks touched. Jace kissed him, hard and eager, passionate, and possessive.

“You look amazing, babe. Amazing,” Jace assured him as the kiss ended.

“You look flawless. Pure perfection. Everything I have ever dreamed of,” Alec admitted breathlessly, giving Jace a heated look.

Jace grinned and gave a sexy wink before he again kissed his way down Alec’s body, paying special attention to his hard nipples before he reached his cock. He teased, letting Alec get desperate, fisting the sheets and moaning loudly, kissing, licking, and sucking around Alec’s cock but not quite touching it.

“Please,” Alec begged desperately, his cock leaking precome in eager anticipation of his long-time fantasy of being with Jace finally coming true.

“You even beg prettily. I knew you would. So sexy,” Jace praised, sending shivers of excitement through Alec.

Before Alec could respond Jace gave him what he had begged for, taking his hard cock into his mouth, licking, and sucking around the tip.

“Fuck!” Alec screamed, almost bucking off the bed in pleasure, thrusting up into the amazing heat of Jace’s mouth.

Jace put his hands on Alec’s hips, holding him down.

“You taste _so_ good,” Jace mumbled, his breath hot against Alec’s oversensitive cock, sending shivers of desire down his spine.

Jace alternated small licks to taking Alec deeper and deeper on each try, adding his hands whenever Alec was able to control himself enough not to thrust up too much. Soon Alec was soaring with need, his cock heavy and wet, dripping with desire.

“Jace, I can’t….” Alec warned, his fists white around the bedsheets, feeling his orgasm approaching quickly despite his embarrassment at not lasting longer.

However, Alec had dreamed of this for years and he had never done anything at all before. The sensations were overwhelming, not made any less when Jace opened the bond between them so their desire echoed between them, amplifying both of their pleasure.

Jace could taste, feel, and see Alec was close to the edge. He pulled off Alec’s cock with a loud _pop_.

“It’s ok, Alec. Just enjoy it and let go,” Jace whispered hoarsely against Alec’s cock, his eyes shining with desire and affection.

“Jace, I haven’t ever….I’m going to…” Alec warned, his voice ending in a wail of pure need when Jace went back down on his cock, sucking it eagerly as if it were the best thing he had ever tasted, making Alec almost lose his mind.

Jace pulled off long enough to give Alec a sinful look as he said, “Come. I want to taste you.”

Alec had never before thought someone could have such power, such control, when sucking another man’s cock, but he was left in no doubt of the control and power Jace had over him. Jace’s words made it impossible for him to hold back any longer.

“Fuck!” Alec screamed, thrusting upwards, throwing his head back, closing his eyes as waves and waves of pleasure crashed over him as he came explosively inside Jace’s mouth.

Alec felt dark spots appear before his eyes for a few moments, feeling himself float in a post-orgasmic haze. He opened his eyes to see Jace lick him clean before he licked his lips with an obscene gesture that had Alec moan and his cock twist in interest despite having just come so explosively.

Jace kissed Alec’s right thigh, looking up at him with a fond look as he said, “You taste amazing, babe.”

“I do?” Alec asked, still smiling already drunkenly, his brain mush from the amazing orgasm he had had.

“Perfect,” Jace assured him.

Jace’s praise washed over him, making him float even more.

“Thank you.”

Jace let his head rest on Alec’s hipbone for a few moments and Alec stroked his hair lovingly, feeling like he was flying. Then Jace raised his head and gave Alec a look filled with lust, longing, desire, and love.

“I want to be inside you. Do you want that?” Jace asked lustfully.

Alec moaned at the thought; he had fantasized about that so often. However, suddenly reality crashed down on him and he bit his lower lip nervously.

“I do but….the curse. We are parabatai…” Alec asked worried.

“There is no curse, Alec,” Jace assured him, his voice strong and firm. “I had my grandmother check it to be sure. It is a lie they tell to try and prevent same-sex relationships as next to all parabatai pairs are same-sex.”

Alec started to smile eagerly, and his cock started to reawaken.

“So, we can….you know?” Alec asked excitedly, blushing at the needy edge to his words.

Jace grinned as he nodded, “Yep, we can.”

“Then yes. I have dreamed of being yours for years,” Alec admitted lovingly.

Jace got up into a sitting position between Alec’s legs before he leaned up and gave Alec a passionate kiss.

“You will feel so good around my cock,” Jace said passionately, making Alec blush again.

Jace pulled back to sit between Alec’s legs, making Alec realize he hadn’t planned for something like this to happen, ever.

“I don’t have….” Alec got out, blushing even more furiously now.

Jace jumped off the bed, giving Alec a sexy grin as he said, “I was hoping this might go my way, so I brought lube.”

“Presumptuous,” Alec teased as Jace found a small packet of lube in his pants pocket, showing it to Alec like a war trophy.

“Just hopeful,” Jace said with a sexy wink as he got back into position between Alec’s legs.

Jace used his mouth and hands to quickly get Alec hard again, both of them silently thanking Nephilim stamina for that to even be possible after the mind-blowing orgasm Alec had just had. When Alec was squirming and fisting the sheets again Jace pulled back and tore the packet of lube open with his teeth. He poured a generous amount on his fingers and slowly pushed one finger inside, only to the first knuckle.

“Damn!” Alec moaned as he was breached for the first time, fighting to relax around the intrusion.

“Breathe, Alec. I’ll go slow. Just get used to it,” Jace said in a calming and loving voice, using his free hand to draw calming patterns on Alec’s thigh.

Alec took deep and calm breaths and nodded for Jace to push in further. When Jace started to move the one finger in and out of him he moaned, imagining it was Jace’s cock, now eager to feel full, to feel his parabatai inside of him.

“You can add another,” Alec begged, his voice hoarse with lust and desire.

Jace did so, going in slow, a little at a time.

“Ok?” Jace asked when he had two fingers inside Alec’s tight opening, looking intensely at him to check he was doing alright.

“Fuck, yes,” Alec said, nodding.

He moaned when Jace started to move the fingers in and out.

“More,” Alec begged.

Jace grinned and added a third finger, stretching him out before moving his fingers in and out of him.

“I haven’t tried this before with a man, but I read about it. Let me try and see if I can find…” Jace said lustfully, curling his fingers inside Alec slightly, searching for that special spot.

“Fuck!” Alec screamed when a wave of pleasure washed over him. He looked down at Jace in awe as he got out, “What was that?”

Jace smirked superiorly as he replied, “Your prostate.”

“Do it again, please,” Alec begged needily, his cock leaking precome.

“There we are,” Jace said with a lustful grin as his fingers brushed over it again.

“Fuck! Yes!” Alec screamed, almost coming off the bed, fisting the sheets and moaning loudly as pleasure spread through him like rings in the water.  
Jace kept fucking him with his fingers, feeling his own cock leak from the pleasure he could feel from Alec in the bond and see so clearly on his face and in his body’s reactions.

“You are so beautiful like this, submitting to me like this,” Jace admitted, his voice rough with desire.

“Fuck, Jace! I need you,” Alec begged desperately.

“I need you too,” Jace panted as he removed his fingers.

Jace quickly used the rest of the lube on his cock.

“Brace yourself,” Jace warned as he positioned himself at Alec’s opening, having to use all his willpower to not just thrust inside and bury himself fully inside the tight heat of his parabatai.

“Get in me already!” Alec demanded desperately, eagerly, wrapped his legs around Jace and trying to push him in.

“Patience,” Jace teased even though he was barely holding back himself, moaning when he let the tip of his cock slide inside.

“I have waited for years! Screw patience!” Alec mumbled feverishly, feeling almost delirious with need.

Alec pulled Jace closer with his legs while Jace put his hands on Alec’s hips and started to push inside, moaning loudly as his cock disappeared more and more inside the tight channel.

“Fuck! You are so tight and hot!” Jace moaned, fighting to go slow.  
Finally, Jace was fully buried inside Alec, both of them sigh in pleasure and breathe hard, Alec leaking precome.

“Damn! Fuck me, please!” Alec pleaded desperately.

Jace gave him a tender look filled with love as he replied, fighting not to just thrust harshly into his lover, “I won’t but I will love you, always.”

His reply made Alec misty-eyed, his heart swelling with love.

“You are such a romantic,” Alec accused, smiling warmly at him.

“Only for you,” Jace promised.

“Only for you,” Alec agreed.

Then with a teasing wink Jace started to move and quickly found the right angle so he was hitting Alec’s prostate on each thrust.

“Fuck!” Alec screamed, quickly finding himself close once more from the overpowering feeling of finally feeling Jace inside of him like he had dreamed of for years.

“So tight, Alec,” Jace panted as he pulled out only to push forcefully back inside, his hands on Alec’s hips so tight they were leaving marks, making them both moan happily at this show of their lovemaking.

“I won’t last long,” Jace warned, his own pleasure clear in the bond and in his words.

“Please, I want to feel you come inside of me!” Alec begged desperately.

“Fuck, yes!” Jace eagerly agreed, quickly getting close to the edge.

“I…I am close,” Alec warned, his cock leaking precome, feeling himself balancing on the edge without having touched himself, just from the amazing feeling of finally having Jace inside of him as he had dreamed of for years.

Jace reached out and used a hand to pump Alec’s cock in time with his thrusts.

“Come with me. Come!” Jace demanded.  
“Fuck!” Alec screamed as he came again, exploding all over Jace’s hand and their stomachs.

The way Alec tightened around his cock combined with the waves of Alec’s orgasm that hit him through the bond sent Jace over the edge too.

“Yes!” Jace got out as he came deep inside his parabatai.

Jace lowered himself carefully down, keeping his weight on his hands as his spent cock slipped out of his lover.

“Wow,” Alec said with an amazed and almost drunk look on his face.

Jace kissed him gently.

“You’re so perfect, Alec. So perfect for me,” Jace said fondly.

“Hmm,” Alec got out, sighing in pleasure at the praise and just bashing in the afterglow of his orgasm.

Though Jace was fine just staying like this he knew Alec hated being all sticky and dirty, so he forced himself to roll out of bed.

“Let me get you cleaned up, babe,” Jace said fondly, tenderly, picking up the used lube wrapper.

Alec smiled drunkenly, joyfully up at him as he nodded.

“Ok.”

Jace smiled and was to turn to go to the bathroom. Then he changed his mind and turned back, kissed Alec passionately and first then did he walk to the bathroom, a satisfied smile on his face that matched the lovestruck look on Alec’s.

Jace washed himself quickly. He then returned to the bedroom with a washing cloth. He quickly cleaned Alec before he threw the cloth in the laundry basket in the bathroom.

“There,” Jace said with a smiled as he got back into bed next to Alec.

Alec opened his arms in invitation, giving Jace a needy but slightly worried look, afraid of being rejected but hoping all the same.

“Snuggle?” Alec asked hesitantly, smiling hopefully at him.

Jace smiled fondly at him as he replied, “Always.”

Jace got into Alec’s arms, pulling him close. Alec arranged himself so he was lying with his head on Jace’s shoulder.

“I love you,” Alec said heartfelt, lovingly, lifting his head to look at Jace.

Jace stroked Alec’s cheek as he replied, “I love you too. I am so sorry it took me so long to see you were the one for me all along.”

“You were worth the wait,” Alec insisted.

“You said I love you to me every day for years in everything but words. I was a fool not to notice,” Jace admitted, reflecting. He kissed Alec tenderly before he said lovingly, “You were the one. You were always the one.”  
Alec smiled like a sun as he replied joyfully, “I love you. There is nothing I would not do for you, sacrifice for you, give up for you or give to you.”

Jace nodded as he said honestly, “I know. You have made that clear to me for years. I was so blind.” He paused before he added, “It wasn’t until I almost lost you over this whole stupid fascination with Clary I had going on, which I am completely over by the way, that I realized what I had been taking for granted for so long. You and your love.”

“In that case I guess I owe her thanks,” Alec said with a smile.

Jace smiled back as he replied lovingly, seriously, “I love you too, Alec, and I swear I will pay attention now. I will protect you and care for you and be only yours. Always.”

“I was always yours, Jace. From the moment I saw you. Always and forever,” Alec swore.

Jace smiled warmly as he assured him, “Always and forever, Alec.”

They shared a loving kiss, filled with tenderness and the promise of a bright and joyful future where they could finally be happy, together. They would stick to that vow and love each other always, for the rest of their lives, never parted, always together, in life or in death, as soulmates had always been meant to be.

**_The End_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed the story.  
> You might also like other of my Shadowhunters fics (I do Jalec, Malace and Malec): https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/works?fandom_id=6856609


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